"You do not get what you want in life, you get what you get what you negotiate"

When did you last enter into a negotiation? If the answer isn't yesterday or today you could be sleepwalking through a success defining process, without even activating (arguably) life's most potent skill!

Negotiation~! 

This skill is certainly endemic to business and yet how many of us have spent hours studying it I wonder? How many of us read a book 6 years ago regarding negotiation and haven't revisited it since? 

This past couple of months I have experienced a half dozen scenarios that called for a negotiator's approach and a list of faux pas's led to impasse, disappointment or even a certain amount of relational corrosion. So let’s look at some conditions for failure that pop up on the daily. It's also worth noting there's a basic duality that occurred in terms of how things go wrong! I have studied and worked on the skills of negotiation but the biggest pitfall is not staying attuned to when one is about to occur without my say so lol. That is to say that negotiations will happen without warning so stay appraised and attuned to the skill is a smart move.

So I have shared some thoughts here on these experiences and how to improve outcomes in the everyday and in the exceptional.

= Overconfidence VS Under confidence ☯️

Overconfidence: 

- Coming in hot - DEMANDS first and even misplaced ones 

- Positional Bias - You presume what someone wants is similar to what you would want, in their situation, free yourself of this burden. ASK!

- A lack of planning - read your literature, read your counterpart, read your books. Try and apprehend scenarios that you and your negotiating partner could wander into for a balanced outcome. 

Under Confidence 

- Be direct when you can - if you're secretive with your wants and undergirding situational factors you will likely land yourself in trouble. 

- Be clear on what you have to offer that could balance the outcomes? Know your value or what your offerings value is to your counterpart!? 

- Believe they want to work with you for a shared result! If you don't believe this you are likely going to undervalue your position or your negotiating with the wrong person or parties! 

For me there always two pre-conditions for success that should frame your outlook when approaching any process that could be a negotiation:

One changes the other is always a constant:

1. Maintain or improve the relationship 
2. Aim to get what you want - with the above condition kept front of mind!

Whenever you go into a chat where you want something you are negotiating, often people wander into these scenarios without awareness of exactly where they have placed themselves, imagine turning up to a tennis Court with studded Boots shin pads and no Racquet, not ideal. Example scenarios of negotiation we miss:

• Pay rises
• Sales 
• Parenting 
• Who's cooking dinner? 

If all your thinking about is what you want without considering the others persons context:

• Character
• Values 
• Motivations, Goals, Desires....
• Relative Position - what does your goal mean to them? Is there alignment - what could be a basis for a collaborative pursuit?

you've probably fallen at the first hurdle.........

So prepare, apprehend but most of all ASK!!! Don't guess and be precise as you build clarity of what someone wants. 

Mastering the Art of Negotiation in Business

Negotiation is more than just closing deals—it's about building trust and forging lasting partnerships and connections. Here are some essential tips to elevate your negotiation game:

🗣️ Be An Active Listener: Patience is a powerful tool. By genuinely listening to your counterparts, you can uncover win-win solutions and defuse tense situations. Remember, understanding their needs is key. If you understand theirs they will be far more inclined to reciprocate. In my experience active listening is easier in person but if yo do find yourself distantly negotiating then deploy some specific tactics to stay focused. 

• Make notes - if you use  AI TOP TIP when negotiating please still make summary notes y hand, don't let the bullet proof recording fallacy make you complacent when it comes it attention. 
• Plan to paraphrase - by doing so you will have to provide the partner in negotiation with succinct simple interpretations of what was said. This is where you can also had resolution for any misunderstood content. 
• Revisit points 'in-short' - So request an in brief on the points made often when someone outlines a key point, they will give a clearer succinct version at a second or event hird pass. 

I actually find audio alone is easier for me to concentrate on verbiage - so a phone call can be a good way check understanding and re-assert key points before a follow meeting. 

🤝 Map out the shared success With Stakeholders: Show them the bigger picture! It's likely you're in a position to build a kind of symbiosis with your counterpart. So by directly illustrating your success is tied with theirs, you lay a clear foundation and aspiration for mutual benefit. In other words you illustrate the reciprocal value in the long-term to the negotiating ending with parties satisfied ENOUGH, not just individual and short-term gains. Sales is precisely an example of this kind of scenario - its not SALES - its a negotiation from the get go, miss this and you miss the game being played. 

💡 Start With Empathy: Put yourself in their shoes 👟. Understanding someone's motivations allows you to address concerns, provide balance to the proceedings and build a stronger connection. Ultimately if you know not only what someone wants but WHY? you have made the process more meaningful and this will increase the value of the process while improving the odds of success. Be sure to show where you've applied empathy occasionally this can build rapport and make the negotiating partner feel more secure in your willingness and ability to pay attention. 

🧠 Be Flexible: Adaptability is crucial in negotiations. Knowing when to push and when to ease off creates space for creative, mutually beneficial solutions. Flexibility, combined with clear communication, is your secret weapon. I think about Kenny Rogers, know what needs to be held and what needs to be folded, play the correct hands within the meta game. 

📝 Offer Options: Always have a Plan B. Presenting multiple options shows that you're prepared and willing to tailor solutions to meet their needs. This not only smooths the negotiation process but also empowers your counterpart to choose the best path forward. If you provide an offer that immediately doesn't land or gets quickly rebuked - you DO NOT understand your negotiating partner, back off, re-asses and deploy patience. 

🔑 Focus on Win-Win: Embrace the win-win mindset 🤝. Building trust and credibility starts with making sure both sides see the value. And sometimes, walking away from a deal is the smartest move you can make. Stephen Covey outlines this beautifully in the 7 habits of highly effective people 'balance courage and consideration', Chris Voss implores "never split the difference" the point is this. You need to be satisfied and so does your counterpart, it's likely the best long term outcome if both parties feel like they've both bent in the negotiations and shared the spoils by an acceptable ratio. 

FINALLY - Manage Emotions: Emotions have a place in negotiations but if they control them and perhaps more immediately YOU throughout the negotiation you’re liable to loose the curiosity, give a little too much away or create pressure on the ability to stay Win-Win focused for you and your counterpart. 

Master these strategies, and you'll navigate negotiations with confidence and competence. Building strong, lasting business relationships in life and business is plainly more effective than failing to do so: so don't waste hard earned foundations on a reactive, impulsive and ultimately self-centered approach to managing them. 

You probably deserve to have a chance and getting what you want 

but perhaps they do to!💡